Eggs Benedict -or- The Rookie Mistake

Last week I boldly poached an egg, which I have never done before. This week I am taking it a step further, throwing some pig meat and hollandaise sauce into the mix to make my first eggs benedict.

This was how I saw it in my head, at least.

I was excited to make eggs benedict, because my culturally starved sweetheart had never actually tried them before. I know, I'm in love with a strange one. I'm working on him, I promise. Anyway, I pulled up Tyler Florence's hollandaise sauce recipe and figured that there was nothing else to know.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a rookie mistake.

The most important thing to know is that sauces share a common trait with chihuahuas, Siamese cats, and brides: they are attention whores. One should never walk away from a sauce recipe. It doesn't matter if an important call comes through; hold the phone with one hand and stir yourself into early arthritis. Because of this it is ideal, sometimes essential, to have all sauce ingredients pre-measured and on hand to add as needed.

I was not prepared with ingredients at all. I was already whipping up my egg yolks when I noticed that I was out of lemon juice. When you're missing one fifth of the listed ingredients, two of which are needed in pinch increments, you can expect a long hard road ahead. I tried two versions: one without lemon juice, and one with lime juice instead. LIME. JUICE. I wish I could claim massive inebriation, but I can't (nor can I say which version was worse).

Ben didn't seem to mind my massive breakfast blunder. He liked the entire combination, and while he didn't ask for seconds he did ask to try it again (for real next time).

I will spare you the photos, as the end result was not that pretty.